So many people I know and love have this strange idea that they cannot present themselves as they are to the world; so they hide behind masks to avoid pushing people away.
But all of them, all of them, have no real reasons to do that. Who they are is wonderful in of itself - they do not NEED to improve themselves. There may be those who don’t like them but you can never please everyone no matter what you do. Why waste time on a task that never can be completed?
They cut themselves, they starve themselves, they plaster their faces with makeup, they mutilate themselves, and put themselves down so hard many of them cannot get back up on their own.
Our society is horrible for the expectations it places on people. It has destroyed my friends. It has scarred me. Why do people delight in making other people feel small?
There are no answers to any of these questions.
All I can do is listen. I must listen and I will not offer any advice unless I am asked - and even then I always tell them that the solution is inside of them. You cannot stand up if you do not want to. But listening to someone is the best thing you can do - it validates their being.
And in time, they may come to believe that who they are isn’t so terrible after all.
I apologize for intruding on your life. But there is something I have to say to you before I die. I wish to acknowledge that my behavior toward you was abject cruelty. I now am able to see myself for what I was: selfish, abusive, treacherous. You did not deserve to be treated that way. You did nothing that justified my conduct toward you. Nothing.
I say this not because I am expecting forgiveness because what I did was beyond forgiveable. I do not expect a response. I do not even expect an acknowledgment.
I only wish I had figured this out long ago but I didn’t. There is a backstory to this but this is about you. Not me. And it is only an explanation. I still was responsible for my actions. I cannot get past that.
I will not intrude again. Farewell, be at peace and be free.
One of the worst situations I can think of is if you see someone about to do permanent damage to themselves, trying to intervene, and being shoved aside to watch them die. It would be bearable if the person actually had control over the events that led them to the edge of the cliff…but this person did not and the person who could have prevented it only made it worse.
I know the accepted strategy for coping is to simply stay out of situations that have nothing to do with me…but the self-destruction of someone’s future DOES involve me…in fact all of us.
I tried - but the forces in control were stronger than I am.
